I think I’ve watched Cinderella over 50 times in the last year. For a while, it was the only video DD liked (thank goodness she is out of that stage!). Needless to say, I know every line and every song. I could probably put on a show and get it 99% similar to the video (reminiscent of my “Grease 2” days when I used to act out the whole movie – Yikes!).
Let’s face it. Cinderella is not all that interesting after about the 50th or so viewing. To entertain myself, I’ve started coming up with alternate story lines. For example, Cinderella is actually an insane shut-in (let’s face it – she does dress up and talk to mice). Her step-mother and sisters are embarrassed by her, which is why they don’t want her going to the ball. So she doesn’t go. Instead, the prince falls for another girl. Well, the step-mother and step-sisters figure out that this is their way out of having to take care of Cinderella. They make their own glass slippers that fit Cinderella. When the Duke goes to try on the slipper, the step-mother trips him and the original slipper breaks. Luckily, Cinderella pulls out the new slipper, pretending it is the other part of the set, and she becomes the problem of the royal family instead. And as a bonus, the mice infestation moves with her to the royal castle.
Yes, I am that twisted! And it doesn’t stop there. DD has moved on to new favorites, and after repetitive watching, I have reworked those stories too. Here are the others on my list so far (with a brief synopsis of my rewrite):
- Rescuers: Penny is adopted by a greedy couple who only want the fame (and possible fortune) of being the people who adopted the “diamond girl.” They take her back to the hole and make her get all the remaining jewels.
- Snow White: Snow White is such a spoiled brat, she is thrown out of the castle. The dwarfs, after putting up with her demands too long, get fed up and poison and kill her and blame it on the queen.
- Annie: Annie is actually in cahoots with Ms. Hannigan & her brother to get the money out of Mr. Warbucks. She makes up the whole story about the locket so that they all can make out.
- Finding Nemo: The bird (who visits the aquarium daily) simply scoops Nemo up into his mouth (directly from the tank) and takes him home.
- Aristocats: The butler realizes that if the cats inherit the money, and he takes care of the cats, he essentially gets the money. Thus, he caters to their every whim rather than trying to get rid of them (until the old lady dies).
- Madagascar: The chimps get fed up with being called monkeys, break out of their cage and establish dominion over all the other animals (being the closest to humans, after all!).
- Dumbo (her current favorite): After getting drunk, Dumbo dreams he can fly and it seems so real, that when he wakes up he tries it by jumping off a cliff. He tragically dies.
OK. I know my story lines are probably not entertaining, especially to children, but there comes a point where one’s mind goes insane watching these things. I blame my irrational, crazy, nonsensical thoughts completely on Disney.
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