I admit it…I’m an amateur.

I am a horrible homemaker. There is no denying it. My husband may protest – in the same way that he would protest if I asked if I was fat – it’s an automatic no for fear of getting sent to the couch for the night. But it is a fact. Here’s why:

Most women I know have wonderfully decorated houses with coordinating picture frames highlighting their spotless children. They have cute sayings on placards saying things such as “Home is where our hearts are” or other cute sentiments. They make wonderful cookies, or candies, or casseroles that they freely share with everyone. They decorate for every major holiday with a holiday-appropriate “Welcome” sign outside and cute knick-knacks inside that coordinate with their holiday linens. And while their houses may not be immaculate (which is, in my opinion, impossible with children), they have it together enough to invite people in when they drop by.

I, on the other hand, have a hodge-podge of frames from 5 years ago (when we got the house) which have pictures just as old (except for a couple where brothers and sisters got replaced by the kids). But in 99% of my photos, my kids have food on their faces, or snot running down their faces, or mud smudges all over their clothes, or all the above! And my decor consists of white walls because I’m so uninspired on what else to do! And when I do finally think of something that says “me”, it takes me a year and a half to finish it and by then, I’m sick of it and want something new. If I even try something “crafty” like a cute saying on a placard, it ends up looking like I let my kids go crazy with the paint and glue. My front doormat has said “Please Wipe Your Paws” and was given as a gift 4 years ago. I put it out as a temporary mat until I found something I liked. And there it is to this day. I don’t decorate for holidays, except Christmas, where if I’m lucky we get the tree up. Ornaments on the tree is a bonus! And 75% of the time, my house is so trashed, any unexpected visitor doesn’t get past the front door. And whenever I try to make something yummy to give as a gift, it ends up chalky, or dry, or just totally wrong.

It isn’t that I’m lazy – I am always working on one thing or another with the best of intentions. I just plain and simply have no talent in the homemaking arena. In the past, this was something I used to my advantage. Whenever the family gets together for meals, they don’t ask me to prepare anything because they know it will turn out awful. So I get a free pass on the work (ok, maybe I’m a little lazy!). But now that I’m a mom, I want my kids to have the kinds of memories I have of growing up. And that is going to take skills that I just do not have.

So here it is. My blog about learning how to keep a home, as well as other rants and raves to keep my sanity intact.