Expressions I wish were true

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about everyday expressions we use that aren’t anywhere near true and how I’d like to use them instead…

For starters, if I’m going to be “working my tush off” – picking up the house, dressing and feeding the kids, running errands, playing dolls, and reading books all day long (not to mention work, the garden, my callings, etc) – I would love for it to mean that my rear end is actually decreasing in size. But alas, regardless of how busy I am, my rear only seems to grow.

And if dinner has “gone to pot,” I’d so much more prefer it to mean that dinner is simmering on the stove rather than sitting in the trash.

If I’m “between a rock and a hard place,” I want to be outside camping or hiking, not trying to decide whether to clean the toilet or the shower soap scum first.

And “If the shoe fits” merely means that the kids feet haven’t grown at a gargantuan pace and the shoes bought two weeks ago are still useful.

And when my budget for the month is “in the red“, it merely means the bills are stored in a red folder on my desk.

Rather than being “squeaky clean” with no fault, I would take floors that are so clean, my shoes squeak when I walk on them (rather than sticking to them as they do currently).

And when my kids “spill the beans,” I want to have another mess to clean up, not have to explain to the nursery teacher that “Papa’s tea” (DD’s term for punch) isn’t what she thinks.

Finally, rather than taking life “by the seat of my pants“, I’d settle for a strap across DS’s bottom that I can grab anytime he is climbing, running, tumbling, or otherwise getting into something dangerous.