About every three months or so, I get a kid on my doorstep trying to sell me something (usually magazines or the newspaper). The sales pitch is always the same. “I’m from a poor neighborhood and I’m trying to earn money for college/gain leadership skills/help my community (take your pick) by selling this garbage” blah blah blah. They are always dressed in grungy pants with white shirts and ties that don’t look quite right on them – almost like the buttons are shifted or something.
Now, there are times when I’m a sucker. Like the one time we fell for going to a time-share presentation – thank goodness my husband hates spending money (especially large sums of it) because I was actually thinking at the time that it might be a good idea. It took some deep breaths of fresh air to clear that nonsense out of my head.
But in the case of soliciting teenagers, I’ve seen it and heard it so many times, I’m immune to their pathetic sales pitch:
- “For only $1 a year, you can get a really great magazine/newspaper/etc” to which I reply, “I don’t have time to read the ones I already get.”
- “But this is a really good deal – it’s 1% of of newsstand prices!” to which I reply, “It is never a good deal to spend money on something you don’t intend to buy in the first place.”
- “Well, how about getting one for a local school/library/needy family” to which I reply, “How is giving a magazine full of useless information helping them?” (because by now I’m getting annoyed).
But it’s this last sales pitch that really makes me laugh: “But I only need 3 more sales and then I’ll earn a trip to Mexico/ Florida/ Europe/ Disneyland.” One girl recently went on and on about how excited she is to go to Mexico to get drunk with her (underage) buddies.
What makes these kids think that I would care even a smidgen as to whether they get to go on some great trip? Maybe (and that’s a BIG maybe) I would consider it if they were my nieces or nephews, my neighbors, or kids’ friends. But I don’t know these kids. If they don’t make it to Mexico, it makes no difference to me. It’s the worst pitch in the history of sales – and yet it must work because they all use it (their company probably trains them to prey upon the sympathies of adults).
I usually end the sales call by suggesting that if they got a real job they could save up enough to go on their awesome trip. That gets rid of them every time!
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