Because I know you all are dying to know how it is I catch every bug that comes through town, here is my top secret recipe for getting yourself (and your kids and spouse) really, really sick.
The first ingredient you need is a really nasty virus. Where you pick this up is up to you – my favorite place is the church nursery because it is so darn convenient. But if that doesn’t work, take the kids to McDonalds to play around on their indoor gym – Guaranteed Virus!
Next, you need to add a splash of extreme emotional upheaval – something that really knocks you for a loop – such as the contact at your biggest client getting fired for embezzelment. Nothing says “sleepless night” like laying in bed trying to identify all the clues retrospectively (and worrying how they may have dragged you down with them).
And because that is just not enough stress, you’ve also got to make sure you are facing about 60 hours of work in 4 days. It really helps if you make at least one day a 20 hour work day. Sniffles, coughs, body aches and fevers are practically guaranteed.
Once you do get sick, just to make sure it really settles in, make sure you do not stop working in order to sleep. You don’t want to recover too soon. Keep the stress going!
Finally, due to the overwhelming amount of work, make sure you eat pizza, chinese takeout, and (even though you have sworn off fast food) a few chicken nuggets for dinner, three nights in a row. Breakfast and lunch are optional.
Of course, making sure the virus spreads to everyone else can be a bit tricky (especially when it comes to spouses), but a great way to start the process is to leave your water glass where the kids can grab it and enjoy a few gulps of virus-infested water. For that spouse that never gets sick, just make sure they are as run-down and worked out as you and you’ll have a virus concoction even the healthiest body can’t avoid.
That said, my angels and my hubby are in bed. That’s where I should be too…
(I’ll start catching you up on the kids when we’re better!)
Oh man!! We didn’t even have to come over to make you guys sick. I hope you all get over it soon. Let me know if you need anything. My family is well now, so I have energy to help if ya need it.
I wish I lived closer. I could at least watch the kids! Sick or not, it wouldn’t matter. Hope you all get better soon. I love your humor in writing.